15 Ways to Alienate Fellow Role-Playing Game Members

You’re currently in a Role-Playing Game campaign that you desperately want out of, for some reason. At least, it seems that way to your fellow players, because you spend most of your time ruining their fun. You are the thorn in your party members’ sides, and not in an endearing “villain NPC” sort of way. They not only dislike your character, but they genuinely hate you as a person. The only reason that they continue to play with you is that everybody is too polite to ask you to leave.

I could write an entire article on the things that you should do while playing a tabletop RPG with your friends. I could also write a long rant on the things that you shouldn’t do. I have decided to combine them both into a list of 15 simple suggestions for how to alienate your fellow players. By following these suggestions, you should be able to ensure that you will never be invited to play in another game of Dungeons & DragonsShadowrun, or any other tabletop RPG ever again.

1. Whine
Whine about everything and anything. Whine that it’s too cold in the room, whine that you’re hungry. Whine that nobody “understands” your character. Whine that you never get good equipment. Whine that nobody ever does what you want to do. Whine that nobody else in the group likes you, while wondering why.

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2. Antagonize other characters
Be a big jerk! Constantly harass and antagonize the other player-characters and NPC. Incessantly pick fights with other PCs and NPCs. Don’t just do it occasionally, do it all of the time, every session. Don’t let a single session go without trying to bash another PC’s head in, or trying to taunt them into attacking you. Irrationally destroy important relationships with key NPCs. Constantly double-cross your party members. Intentionally get them killed whenever possible. Make your character completely, thoroughly annoying and unlikeable. If he would just die, the other party members would be relieved.

Claim that this behavior is justified because you are “in character”.

3. Bring personal issues into the game
You really hate one player’s girlfriend, who is also in the campaign. This is the perfect opportunity to vent your hatred in an acceptable manner. Make sure that you constantly antagonize her character (see suggestion #2). Say horrible things to her in-character that could easily be translated into direct insults to the person playing that character. Make sure to tell her (in-character to her character, of course) that she is fat and stupid and lazy. Feign innocence when the other players chastise you for this. Make sure that you are completely unhelpful to her in combat. If you are the Cleric, conveniently fail to heal her as necessary. When the other players criticize you for this, blame it on her inability to properly play the game.

Angry at another player (who happens to be your roommate) for some reason? Make sure that this makes it into the game. Be a total jerk to his character. Make sure that you take off when he really needs your help in a fight. Make snide comments all of the time about how his PC never does the dishes after everyone has finished setting up camp. If you are completely unable to deny it/worm your way out of it, claim that it was “just good-natured ribbing”.